Fallin' Up

The average temperature at night is 43 degrees. Not too cold but not exactly the coziest temp for a two year old. We've been extra bundled in the mornings and she's loving the different feel of fabrics and the way she's able to move. Tights and dresses are a new look for both of us. I think she's enjoying it just as much as I am so I'll keep on keeping on with it. Son on the other hand isn't too fond for the corduroy pants and layers he's having to put on and take off. We've been working on the toilet use and I think we are starting to get the hang of it.  Will need to make room in the guest restroom so he's comfortable going to both places when the urge arises. Our large dog is doing well. With the end of our lease a year away I'm not sure what the plans are for him right now. I considered giving him to another family that had similar room for him to run but he's such a meek dog he may have a hard time adjusting to a new place. Or he...

"Well for one more night I'd like to lie and hold you. Yes and feel. To make you smile I'd like to be there for you. Have you forgotten me." If You Ever Did Believe Its over. It ended over the weekend all anger and animosity for my decision to keep the family unit together drove him out of my life.I never thought I'd make a decision so profound-for myself and my children. I intentionally harmed someone to give my life over to raising my children. I don't know if I made the right decision. I know I gave away what I know my heart needed. Whatever he feels and however I believed I could fit into his life will always be a part of me. For the short amount of time we spent together and the discussions and few disagreements we had, I don't think we'd ever really believed it was as simple as things were going. Don't know if it would have ever stayed as simple as it was if we would have continued.  Masculine, honest, straight forward, and loyal. Always...

"Even when I'm down to the wire baby, even when it's due or die...this love is a sure thing." Miguel Is love a sure thing? I don't think so. It seems like through the muddle of emotions we feel on a daily basis, love is the most remarkable because it resurfaces and reassures us of our place in the world. My place in the world is where ever I end up at the end of the day, as long as my kids are safe and happy I am following suite.

Heartbreak at the end and sadness at the beginning of 2011. Lost my dear friend, lost an uncle, and losing a good, good, person I had the honor of knowing. Cancer kills and death sucks. I'm sitting here in the dark and planning my grand escape to a friends house for the night. I don't run away from problems, I usually just deal with em and get on with living. I'm in a doozy and wondering how to get out of a possible rut in a new relationship. Sh!t or get off the pot time. GO TIME. I'm dating, it was going well, but little deal breakers are pushing us apart and apparently I speak with my cooch instead of my head so now I asked the person I began dating to take a little time out since we seem to be getting on each others' nerves. I don't want to be the adult here, I don't want to make decisions for other people but I honestly don't want to live a lie and get down the road with a squeaky fan belt that turns into a broke down car. I'm stepping away...

'Forever could never be long enough for me. To feel like I've had long enough with you." Shoulda, coulda, woulda...I get stuck in this frame of mind and it DOGS me. It follows me and has a lingering effect on me. My deHeemp, my person, my geechnDivo. The man I knew would have seen me through my adult life passed on. People have seen him as a youngster, but I had a hard time understanding that. To me he's always been a guy growing into a man. He's always been a man to me. I've liked him because I have always believed in the person he was going to become. The man he was going to be was a part of what use to make my heart strong. I was so proud, I am so proud of what he brought to my life. 'Love has surely shifted my way.' In my own way I worked to get the heck outta town, I wanted to see what the world had to offer away from here. From where I ended up at I hoped he made his way and was enjoying life and liked what he was learning just as much a...

I miss my friend.  I'm sad for the loss of that life. With the gift of my children and the passing of others, I didn't have the time or the energy to see him through his grief. I knew that was suppose to be his road and I stepped away from it all. I wasn't the only one who did and for whatever reason I could not bring myself to slap him back into reality. Like a lot of other people I watched from a distance as his life went it's way and mine went the other. There were struggles and times when I knew my life would be different if we didn't change so much. The person I knew and the kid I remember wasn't the shell of a man I passed on the road. Loving life is being able to take the good with the bad, he was given more bad then good and I hate to know that he walked that alone most of the time. My instict to draw him in and give him, or any other person time to heal and know that if nobody else cares, I do. I live this way, I give that energy because there wil...

'In order to gain nobility in life. A person must show bravery, confidence, courage, patience, optimism, and intelligence during the struggle. Then even if the prize is lost, the person has won the battle. Proving himself capable of retaining grace under pressure, the ultimate test of man kind.'