Friday, March 23, 2018

To Carry On

In my mother's final days we were able to listen to some songs that were meaningful to her and allowed us a look into her life as a younger woman and the importance of mercy and closure in finding peace at the end of life.

My seven siblings and I laid our wonderful mother to rest on March 7th and I have waited sixteen days to process and allow myself to get my footing and release some of the grief and loneliness I have been keeping to myself. I am grateful for the gift of time and I do not resent or hold any negative feelings toward the situation because it will be something in my life I will never be able to fully process or accept. So I choose to be grateful for time, for the will, and for the empathy and grace of peace that was granted to my mother.

I am very fortunate to have been born in the middle of two brothers and have the gift of being the youngest daughter my mother raised. I had the gift of time and experience to allow me to become a well-rounded woman, not lady, but woman. I observed her capacity to stand on her own two feet and create a life for us. I know I too, can make the life I would like as opposed to what I can gain. I attribute that to my mother. I give her credit for providing me the guidance to not only know, but to believe, that I could determine my life.

This year has been a huge transition for my family. We have learned how to grow into adulthood and with that change, we've also learned about the responsibility to share experiences, both good and bad have been a big part of this stage in life. For a long time I have allowed people to determine my social role and responsibility in my community. I am slowly coming into my own and I know that I have done what I can to offer help or guidance for my family and friends in their time of need. I share my experience in this lifetime freely and without negative response because it's a part of living and growing into who and what we are meant to do in this world.

Above all else I am grateful for my community, my newe-my people, for holding me and my little family up as I adapt to this part of life and learn to move on without my bia'-my mother. There hasn't ever been a time where my parent was ever disappointed in the life I've made and I know in my heart I will do what I can to continue to make her proud and enjoy my life with her in my spirit and with me always.

Thank you for reading I appreciate your support.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Metastasis Road Tripping

So I have a road trip to make with someone near and dear to my heart. My goal in providing a music and movie filled ride is to gather information. Not only about the person I believe I know, but the woman she was before I came into her world. 

This trip will also begin a new chapter in my life because I want to learn the intimate 'why' and 'how' cancer develops and how in the hell our people can develop and grow so many unique types and stages of this ravenous marauder. 

It is a marauder, but there are so many traits of the cells that mirror our own journey into 2017, we've adapted, we have learned to assimilate, and we too, have always been here. Is there a way to make amends or reignite the DNA our indigenous bones carry to remind the carcinoma how to create a biosphere? No, okay it was worth a try.

I watched, "High Fidelity" Directed by John Frears and I am sorting through playlists on #Spotify trying to determine what makes a perfect me what you have. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Life Continium

There are a number of changes and life events effecting a lot of people around me and individuals who have impacted my life both positively and in a negative nature. I wanted to take a few minutes to put this into some sort of perspective.
I am an older woman now and it's finally dawned on me what it means to pray for someone. Offering prayers or good thoughts for people has been a form of expressing love-because it is all you have to give. I don't have much to offer others and what I have in abundance is love. There were years I worked very hard and long hours to provide and I was successful and since I have changed gears and begin at the bottom of my field I have humbled myself enough to know that all I have to offer is a positive outlook and support the best way I can provide it.